I. Thou shall understand that your presence doesn't make me happy. And know this: I've got a PI doing a background check on you at this moment.
II. Thou had better have a life. I have worked my butt off providing a good life for my daughter; therefore, you better have one, Spanky.
III. Thou shall not touch my daughter. If you do, I'll smash your hands and your mommy will have to help you get your Justin Bieber haircut.
IV. Thou shall look me in the eye and shake my hand like a man. And turn off your damn cell phone.
V. Thou shall understand that you are a boy talking to a man. Do not gush around me or attempt to read me an entry from your journal. I'm not Oprah. I am a Neanderthal.
VI. Thou shall know that our family is old school. Do not even think about approaching me with liberal, hippie, agnostic, atheistic, anti-American or tree-humping bull crap.
VII. Thou shall know that I like cool and expensive gifts. You'd be shrewd to approach me like the three wise men did Baby Jesus, namely with gold, frankincense and myrrh.
VIII. Thou shall understand that if you're dumb enough to tell me a dirty joke, I'm comfortable enough with kicking your ass.
IX. Thou shall keep your word. If you say you're going to do something, then I expect you to do it.
X. Thou shall memorize commandments I - IX. Yep, your best bet, home slice, is to both memorize and practice these commandments because I am Dad Almighty!
In the event that you are dissatisfied with your purchase, you may return your order in sellable condition (package well to avoid damage in transit) within 30 days for a refund, minus a 10% restocking fee. Products must be returned in sellable condition within this time period to receive a refund. Products must also be shipped in a trackable manner (with tracking number sent to our Customer Service) to qualify for any refund on items that might be lost in return transit.
- Books must be returned in a box; no envelopes, please.
- Shirts may be returned in a Tyvek envelope.
- Please note that in order to receive a refund, items must be received in sellable, unaltered condition. Postage/shipping fees are not eligible for a refund.
- Products must also be shipped in a trackable manner (with tracking number sent to our Customer Service) to qualify for any refund on items that might be lost in return transit.
Patriot Depot Returns
5000-B McNeel Industrial Blvd
Powder Springs, GA 30127
Packages returned due to "Refused/Refusal" will incur a $10 fee. Store credit may be issued at the discretion of customer service.
Please note: Audio/Visual and Multimedia resources (DVDs, CDs, DVD-Roms) may be returned for exchange only if unopened; opened Audio/Visual or Multimedia resources are not eligible for a refund due to copyright infringement concerns.
We appreciate your understanding and future business. If you have any questions or comments about how we can improve your experience with The Patriot Depot, please feel free let us know below.
All shipping methods (2-Day, 3-Day, Overnight, Ground, Priority, Media, First Class) indicate an in-transit once shipped time-frame. This does not include our stated in-warehouse processing time-frame.
Your method of payment will be charged at the time of submission to ensure your place in line for these limited edition, special order products.
Some products cannot be shipped to international destinations, so please submit a message to us if you would like to discuss international ordering options if your order will not process through our store.
Free shipping offers apply to U.S. addresses only.
Full return and shipping information may be found here.